• Craig Hunter

Mondo Topless

Mondo Topless is a 1966 Russ Meyer cash grab that features big breasted women gyratting to an overwhelming up-tempo 60's soundtrack.

The narrator sounds like he's reading news about the Allied forces taking on the German Army in WW2. There is a topless woman who is supposed to be driving a car through San Francisco and this is used as a mechanism for the narrator to introduce us to the cultural highlights that San Francisco has to offer, like, Cable Cars, China Town, Fisherman's Warf, various bridges, and North Beach

All the while, the narration is infused with super lame sexual innuendo and an oppressive soundtrack of up tempo beach music. Finally, the narrator introduces the notion of "the topless" over images of nightlife, neon, and women solo gyrating topless on beaches, railroad tracks, lying in muddy ponds, and hanging from transmission towers, among other locals.

Now we get to the meat of the story. So what is the important revelation, the cultural insight that will forever change the way that we think about Russ Meyer's particular brand of large breasted babes sexploitation films? What's the story here?

There isn't one.

The remainder of the film is scenes of large breasted babes gyrating in strange locals and providing complaints and insights from their own experiences of being large breasted and topless dancers, while a blaring high tempo 60's soundtrack intermittently drills into your brain.

You'd think that making a film about topless women dancing would be a slam dunk easy watch but this thing was a slog. This is an incredibly un-sexy film. The strange narration, the oppressive soundtrack, the awkward gyrating dancing.

What bothered me the most--and made it so not-sexy--was that these were just a series of context-less, story-less, personality-less, scenes of nude women. Part of what makes a nude scene in a movie sexy is the backstory and the context leading up to the scene, not to mention whether you find the character interesting. In American Beauty, a film that film nerds deride and snicker at, Kevin Spacey's Lester has been lusting after Mena Suvari for the entire film leading up to the brief nude scene with her. Mena's character is dead-sexy, confident, and always teasing the viewer, all of which build anticipation to the final payoff of the nude scene. This film has none of that contect or subtelty and the women have been objectified into gyratting tits with bad haircuts who complain about having to buy custom sized bras and being turned on by colors.

Despite being only 60 minutes in length, much of the footage is shown multiple times leading to toxic levels of tedium and frequent checking to see how much longer to go.

This film is a colossal waste of time.

0 out of 5

You can skip this one.